I am walking around feeling like I have a lot to do. Time slips through my fingers, but I suspect I feel out of control, not out of time. The out of control feeling or state of mind is my subconscious mind’s way of protecting me. The subconscious mind smears a layer of fear across my life in hopes it is getting me what I want, which is more control. Out of control means that I cannot predict my future. Life is no longer sewed up like a lovely kimono. Regardless, more control does not ensure safety. Controlling life requires a lot energy, thwarting others’ natural aliveness, and a hearty dose of perfectionism. Having to control tears a hole in our lives and, with time, the tear rips our lives apart.
Three things stand out that can ease this breathless feeling of not enough time and feeling out of control.
Acceptance - We read much about acceptance. We use it frequently in our lives, but the feeling of being out of control is a symptom that we are not accepting what is. Regardless of how savvy we are about the theory of acceptance and how many times we have used it in the past, if it is not the guiding light of the present moment, we can be assured that, at the moment, acceptance is tucked away neatly in our self-improvement toolbox.
Compassion - Buddhism is the path of compassion. It is a way of living in harmony with ourselves and all other life forms. Its teachings are more relevant than ever. We need radical compassion. We might think we have positive, unconditional acceptance of ourselves and that we are compassionate, but the ego backdoors its complaints through others’ voices. People are not literally saying negative things to us; we are just hearing the ego’s complaint through a loved one’s voice in our minds. I am easy on myself, but my husband, child, friend, whomever, thinks I am stupid, bad, dumb, a burden, or messy. Brené Brown says that blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort. True compassion requires a moment to moment guide from our higher selves. We must be on the lookout for negative self-talk. We can plant the seeds of self-compassion in ourselves and thwart the ego by counteracting its tactics. Here are some refreshing thoughts to bring forth in our lives and in our thoughts. “I am highly regarded by those who love me. They wish the best for me and see the best in me. I will not use them to destroy myself. I take ownership of my negative self-talk, forgive myself, and offer compassion to my faults and flaws. I will change my destructive thoughts and behavior in the present and forgive my past behaviors.”
Vision - Sometimes I use vision as a mind trick. The ego is constantly tricking me, so why not use the best in me to trick it back. When I feel out of control, I like to stop and picture a good outcome for the next ten minutes. “The next ten minutes of my life are extraordinary. I am amid a cosmic shake up that delivers stellar outcomes on my behalf. I trust this highly supportive time in my life. I always come out smelling like a rose, and these next ten minutes are catalyst for the best and highest in me.”
As you can tell, self-talk and imagination are the tools of mind renewal. They move us from degeneration to regeneration. When our lives change or when we cannot predict the future, it is natural to feel out of control. That feeling is fear. When one does not know if she will have a job tomorrow, there will be fear. The ego thinks if it can push us to do more, even if it omits the specifics, like what to do, then we will be okay. The egoic mind’s plans never work; that is why we must mind our minds. The ego loves drama, and it drums up drama by pushing an undefined agenda that keeps us breathless and out of control. It drones on and on about us not having enough time. Let’s take control of our feeling out of control and out of time by moving past the egoic mind into a place of acceptance, compassion, and vision, because if we do, our lives become EZier and EZier.