I Don’t Have Enough Time.” Is This True?

I am walking around feeling like I have a lot to do. Time slips through my fingers, but I suspect I feel out of control, not out of time. The out of control feeling or state of mind is my subconscious mind’s way of protecting me. The subconscious mind smears a layer of fear across my life in hopes it is getting me what I want, which is more control. Out of control means that I cannot predict my future. Life is no longer sewed up like a lovely kimono. Regardless, more control does not ensure safety. Controlling life requires a lot energy, thwarting others’ natural aliveness, and a hearty dose of perfectionism. Having to control tears a hole in our lives and, with time, the tear rips our lives apart.

Three things stand out that can ease this breathless feeling of not enough time and feeling out of control.

• Acceptance - We read much about acceptance. We use it frequently in our lives, but the feeling of being out of control is a symptom that we are not accepting what is. Regardless of how savvy we are about the theory of acceptance and how many times we have used it in the past, if it is not the guiding light of the present moment, we can be assured that, at the moment, acceptance is tucked away neatly in our self-improvement toolbox.

• Compassion - Buddhism is the path of compassion. It is a way of living in harmony with ourselves and all other life forms. Its teachings are more relevant than ever. We need radical compassion. We might think we have positive, unconditional acceptance of ourselves and that we are compassionate, but the ego backdoors its complaints through others’ voices. People are not literally saying negative things to us; we are just hearing the ego’s complaint through a loved one’s voice in our minds. I am easy on myself, but my husband, child, friend, whomever, thinks I am stupid, bad, dumb, a burden, or messy. Brené Brown says that blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort. True compassion requires a moment to moment guide from our higher selves. We must be on the lookout for negative self-talk. We can plant the seeds of self-compassion in ourselves and thwart the ego by counteracting its tactics. Here are some refreshing thoughts to bring forth in our lives and in our thoughts. “I am highly regarded by those who love me. They wish the best for me and see the best in me. I will not use them to destroy myself. I take ownership of my negative self-talk, forgive myself, and offer compassion to my faults and flaws. I will change my destructive thoughts and behavior in the present and forgive my past behaviors.”

  

• Vision - Sometimes I use vision as a mind trick. The ego is constantly tricking me, so why not use the best in me to trick it back. When I feel out of control, I like to stop and picture a good outcome for the next ten minutes. “The next ten minutes of my life are extraordinary. I am amid a cosmic shake up that delivers stellar outcomes on my behalf. I trust this highly supportive time in my life. I always come out smelling like a rose, and these next ten minutes are catalyst for the best and highest in me.”

As you can tell, self-talk and imagination are the tools of mind renewal. They move us from degeneration to regeneration. When our lives change or when we cannot predict the future, it is natural to feel out of control. That feeling is fear. When one does not know if she will have a job tomorrow, there will be fear. The ego thinks if it can push us to do more, even if it omits the specifics, like what to do, then we will be okay. The egoic mind’s plans never work; that is why we must mind our minds. The ego loves drama, and it drums up drama by pushing an undefined agenda that keeps us breathless and out of control. It drones on and on about us not having enough time. Let’s take control of our feeling out of control and out of time by moving past the egoic mind into a place of acceptance, compassion, and vision, because if we do, our lives become EZier and EZier.

Relationships

Relationships are the playing field from which we learn love and goodness. Without these indispensable basic elements, relationships are cold and dark. They imprison us in pain or limitations. Loveless relationships are full of competition, a relentless drive to get something, or the need to be right and prove the other wrong. Unhealed wounds are the source of punishment when the other friend, child, or partner does not meet one’s unmet baby needs! Revenge on one’s parents is taken out in the relationship.

Gina Lake puts in succinctly when she says, “What interferes with expressing love is the tendency to be absorbed in your mind and thoughts about yourself and what you want and need rather than about how you might express love.”

It’s not a pretty scene, the loveless relationship. However, relationships founded in lack, pain, power, and struggle have the potential to come alive through love. It is in the awakening to our true nature that love flourishes. Love surfaces when we surrender the egoic mind. Once we stop demanding the form love must take, we are free to become what we really are – love incarnate. This loves shines away the darkness in our relationship and even the darkest corner becomes a welcome potential to strengthen love. Focusing on love awakens deep compassion, and it is this compassion that allows us to see our partner, friend, or family member clearly. We cease to identify them with their actions and define them through their Essence.

Truly, the quality our relationships is dependent on our relationship to Source. When we know who we are and make a conscious effort to be the space for love to live, everything changes.

Are you ready for the change? How can you live love?

• Don’t try to be right. Just drop the conversation that keeps love at bay. This is a game called right - wrong and it is designed to thwart intimacy.
• Really listen to what your friend or partner is saying.
• Heal your thoughts about your parents. Unhealed parental wounds not only show up in your relationships, they show up as your relationships. Acknowledge what your parents did to you. It’s not about blame. If a parent runs over a child with an automobile, it’s unintentional, but the child is hurt none the less. Truly acknowledge what happened, then forgive your parents, and drop it.
• Pray for your friend or partner. Wish for him or her the best. Don’t try to coerce the Universe into getting more love or attention from your partner. Radiate your love toward your partner.
• See yourself as whole and lovable when you are with your friend. Be aware of your self-talk. Don't use that inner voice to put them down. Don't think about what you want from your friend. Experience your lovability; drink in the ever-present, omnipresent love available. Keep your mind clean.

Relationships can be thought of as a spiritual pilgrimage. You enter with high expectations, stumble and fall, then discover things about yourself that would be hidden if you were alone, then heal those wounds, and finally share love from the deepest places. If you can’t go to India and see a guru and you desire the rigorous teaching of a master, just turn to your relationships and see them as your guru. If you open your heart and let them, they will lead you to love, and with love as your guide, everything is EZier and EZier.

Anne #relationships

Perfection is not Required

One morning I listened to a YouTube on Shri Ramana Maharishi. Ramana was not only a wise spiritual advisor; he was a lover of animals. He had a way with animals that is compared to that of Saint Francis. His cow, Laxshmi, was given an afterlife sendoff ceremony normally reserved for humans. The master understood snakes, monkeys, birds, and other animals. Animals not only flocked to him, they obeyed him. The Ramana video ended by talking about his transition. When I looked at the date, I saw his transition date or mahasamadhi day was that very day. I felt a chill. Ramana is one of my favorite holy people.

I was fortunate to visit his ashram in southern India a few years ago. The town was filled with spiritual seekers of all sorts, ashrams, and markets.

He lived in one village, Tiruvannamalai, his entire adult life. I suspect he never drove a car, yet his influence was felt all over the world. When my mind criticizes my uneasiness when driving, I think, "Ramana was a great man and he didn't drive anywhere." I then congratulate myself for driving at all. I avoid driving into Houston and would never venture out during the commuter hours. When the inner critic chides me for not traveling as much as I might like, I think, "Ramana stayed in one town through his entire adult life and he was one of the greatest men who ever lived. Not only was he self-realized, he was wise and capable."

Sometimes we play small and don't realize our potential, but frequently, we expect too much. We demand perfection, consummate wisdom, an ageless body, and a 24-hour positive attitude. It is refreshing to know that most advanced masters can’t live up to the standards of our modern world or the standards we impose on ourselves.

Ramana's teachings were practical and easy to understand. Three things can reveal the truth of who we are.

• The first is meditation. It calms the mind and uncovers what lies beneath our words, beliefs, and emotions.
• Next is the breath. Learning to master the breath, or live with breath awareness, brings us to deep stillness as well.
• Finally, his favorite was self-inquiry. It is known in the east as vichara. The self-inquiry refers to the seminal question, "Who am I?" It is not a question to be answered in words. It is answered in the heart, when we stop the mind and feel or experience who we are. Ramana said that vichara created the fastest path to realization.

The above are my three favorite practices, although I do mantra as well. My practices are not set in stone. They vary. I lose track of time and it gets too late to do my spiritual and physical exercises. I get tired of some of the exercises sometimes and want a change. While some people can arrange their lives to exercise, meditate, and eat well every day, it may not be practical for everyone in today's modern life.

We are stretched to do more things and be more things than ever before. While the above practices are powerful, not everything is for everybody. Each has a path that calls to them, and that path can be different for each person. We do not need to live under the tyranny of any belief system, any religion, or other set of standards. Our lives are our lives. We answer to no one. The Universe is always saying, "Decide and I will back you up." We don’t have to do anything to be loved and accepted. We already are unconditionally loved and accepted. I don't do my practices to be good or to gain favors with GUS (God/Universe/Spirit). I do them because I feel better. But it is important not to become the prisoner to perfection. I can deviate from the norm and still have a healthy, happy, life.

When we accept ourselves as we are, help ourselves when we can, and give ourselves a break, we always find that life can be EZier and EZier.
Anne #Ramana #EZosophy #Sspiritual #annesermons gillis

Relationships

Our culture sanctions the intellect. We value logic and control as if they were the gods of interaction. We like to know what's going on and how to fix it, but some things cannot be fixed using the logical approach. They need the intuitive approach, along with massive doses of compassion and inner reflection.

Recently, While at the Theosophical Society National Convention I reveled in several meaty conversations. Here's the scene. I'm seated between two men at dinner. One is an author and healer and the other an older volunteer. Man number one: "I don't understand women. I can't find a good relationship." I shared my thoughts and asked man number two to share his thoughts. He was quiet and I expected him to deflect the question, but he rose like a master and spoke softly but powerfully, "I make the things that are important to my wife and son important to me. I listen to them and don't try to talk them out of what they are seeing or saying." Man number one continued, "But I can only find shallow women. They like to shop and only want to eat out and go to the movies." This time I stayed quiet and looked at the master: "That's because they don't know any other way. Show them another way. Take them to walk in the park. Go to an art opening or to a museum. Attend a concert or walk in the historic district of town. Go for a ride and take pictures of wildflowers." Man number one seemed reflective and had an "aha" expression on his face. Man number two took the conversation from the perspective of "What can people do for me?" to "How can I serve others and create a situation that benefits everyone?"

We don't serve others to the exclusion of getting our needs met; we learn to come from a space of giving to others, that fills us up, rather than giving from a place that depletes us. I read a Quora inquiry that asked the question. "I'm in a new relationship with a man who was recently jailed. How long should I wait for him?" I shook my head and chuckled. The relationship suggestions I give about being of service to do not preclude using common sense. I would suggest the woman not wait at all.

All problems do not have the same solutions, so be careful in taking relationship advice. There is no absolute solution, and that's why our intuition, rather than our intellect, is usually most important in dealing with relationships. I say usually because the woman who considers waiting for a man in prison, when he's not her husband or son, needs to use logic and intellect. She needs to make a smart move and not place herself in harm's way. The person who desires more closeness and happiness in a relationship needs an inner approach, the heart tools, to bring about harmony and intimacy in a relationship.

Relationship Awareness Process

The following suggestions invite us to use our intuition to align with friends and loved ones.

• Do this process at a time you will not be disturbed. Don't try to squeeze this into a busy schedule. It is important you are relaxed and not on a strict schedule. Get paper and pen to take notes. Then sit in a comfortable, private place.
• Light a candle and/or put on some soothing music. If you have a picture of your friend,  relative, or partner, place it beside your candle. This is your relationship altar. You may want to put a peace symbol on it or the picture or image of a spiritual figure. Be creative. You can leave this up or wrap it in a cloth and put it away for use in the future.
• Go to your quiet space with a sense of relaxation. Watch your breath, let go of tight muscles, and clear your mind of worries or expectations. Close your eyes.
• Ask your Higher Power, Angels, Guides, spiritual Master, or Self:
  "What can I do to make our relationship better?"
  "How can I serve this person?"
  "What do I do that harms this person? What bad thoughts do I hold?
  Do I hold them to a standard of perfectionism?"
  Write down any thoughts you might have. (And with eyes open, of course!)
• Next, bring up an image of your loved one. Ask him or her:
  "How can I best serve you?"
  "How can I honor you?"
  "What do you need from me?"
  "What do I do to you that is harmful?"
  "Am I sarcastic or harsh? If so, how?"
  "How can I show you more compassion?"
  "Do I need to give you more support or do I need to encourage you to stand on your own two feet?"
  "Am I too much in your business or am I too detached?"
• Again, write down the answers.

This process allows us to tap into our intuition and to our connection with others. We can use it often, in times of trouble, or any time, to improve our relationships and to develop empathy and compassion.

We often ask what we need to be doing on this planet. How can I be of service? How can I help others? The above process provides a framework for doing the deep work. Sometimes we do others' service when we uncover the disservice we do them through our actions and expectations. We become their humble servant when we have the courage to make changes in the habitual ways we relate to others. We find that humility, compassion, and caring are not weaknesses; they are the foundations of strength.

Relationships deliver endless opportunities for service and growth. We can disengage from others and keep our hearts behind a wall, or we can go inside and free ourselves and others from the loneliness stimulated by the egoic mind. Relationships can serve as a stepping stone to higher states of well-being, but we must go on the daring adventure of opening our hearts and serving others in order to step out on the path. Let's step more fully into our relationships and enjoy them as the privileges they are, because when we do, we find that life becomes EZier and EZier.

Creative Solutions

I used to have an office in a strip shopping center. The outside was barren, so I placed a flower-filled whiskey barrel by the front door. It welcomed clients and softened the look of the otherwise stark entrance.

Unfortunately, the plants vanished. I would replant, but after a few days, they would be gone. The plant thief took them one by one, as if by disappearing slowly, I wouldn’t notice. The plants were perfect for the front door, but I was unwilling to keep replacing the plants. How could I discourage the plant bandit?

My intuition buzzed with the perfect answer. I printed out a small note and placed it prominently in the glass window behind the planter. The note read, “These are planted in honor of my beloved Aunt Lima, who passed away recently.” It worked. There were never any more plants taken. I started having fun and honored my friends’ and clients’ deceased relatives. “These plants are planted to honor the beloved mother of Jane Stiles.” I changed the dedication sign every few weeks and my friends and clients felt comforted as they passed by the planter. I used real names for the deceased and loved ones. It felt right to be straight and to make this more than a ploy to fool the plant snatcher. The process eventually moved from being a solution to a problem, to a sacred act of honoring others.

My office was in an isolated area, so I tried to leave my office at night with my last client. One evening, when I had stayed late to do paperwork, there were several teenagers hanging around the front exit. None of them looked like the girl next door. They numbered six, so I waited for them to leave, but the night wore on, they remained near the door, and I was ready to go home. My intuition hummed. When I exited, I greeted them, “I am so glad you are here. It is scary to come outside alone at night. Will you watch and make sure I get to my car safely.” The Hell’s Angel’s lookalikes smiled and collectively responded, “Yes ma’am. We will take care of you.” I felt safe and protected as I slid into my car. I waved goodbye to my newfound heroes.

Once again my intuition served me. I’m not sure if I was in danger or not--maybe the kids were safe, but I didn’t feel safe, and the creative solution released me from my bondage. In another similar incident, my daughter and I delivered a carload of Christmas presents to the projects. We drove into the impoverished area in my late model El Dorado Cadillac, which was fashionable at the time, and parked in front of Miss Betty’s apartment building. I felt like a target; we didn’t fit in. What had I been thinking, going alone with my young daughter? There was what looked to be a gang at the end of the street, and again my intuition provided a quick reaction. I got out of my car and asked if the boys knew Miss Betty Smith. One of the boys responded affirmatively and I asked if he knew where she lived. He did. I told the boys I had a car full of presents for Miss Smith and said, “This a too much stuff for us to take alone. Will you please help us deliver these presents to Miss Betty?” So the Crips*, my daughter, and I headed to Miss Betty’s place and made her day. Again a wonderful solution.

My daughter once wrote a paper on incidents that formed her values. She included that day as a turning point. Her recollection was not about feeling afraid; she was touched first-hand by the kind of poverty she witnessed. That day she decided she would always help when she could, and she did. I watched her grow into a compassionate woman who spent years in a profession helping underprivileged populations.

There are times when we are faced with real and imagined danger. Rather than freak out or being frightened, looking for creative solutions can rectify an otherwise unpleasant situation or even help us avoid a potentially dangerous one. We won’t always be able to come out of every situation unscathed, but when we live with an expectancy that there is always a better, easier, and safer way to confront any situation, we are less apt to trip ourselves up when faced with a potentially bad one. It only takes a few seconds to check in with our intuition, and I’ve found that when I do, it always makes my life EZier and EZier. I hope you are never faced with these kinds of choices, but I’m sure if you are, you will find that holding back the fear and making friends of your supposed enemies will make your life EZier and EZier too.

*Name of a notorious street gang. These weren’t really the Crips; I made that up.

Facing Genuine Pain and Suffering

 EZosophy is a philosophy that calls us away from ego driven suffering. EZosophy does not deny that we experience real physical and emotional tribulations. Individuals suffer, communities suffer, America suffers, and the world suffers. Suffering is not just individual; all suffering pulls at the fabric of humanity.

One of the most beloved saints of all times, St. Francis, overcame tremendous suffering. He was born into a wealthy family. He ran around  with his drinking buddies and eventually went to war – or at least participated in a skirmish. He fought for his city and was taken and held prisoner for more than a year. After his release he wanted to become a soldier, but illness kept him from military service.
Can you imagine? He was to be one of the greatest saints in history and he wanted to join the army! No wonder he kept getting sick. Deep down the seeds of spirituality were planted and his body said, “Hell no, you won’t go.” None-the-less, he planned to marry, but after seeking guidance, he was called back to a more solitary spiritual life. Eventually he became the original animal whisperer, a respected spiritual teacher and leader, and attained sainthood from the Catholic church.

Once I was in love and planned to marry. Many things got in the way of the marriage; it never occurred.  I didn’t understand. I wanted, longed for an explanation. I asked for help and guidance through this dark night. The St. Francis story led the way to understanding. When the young man’s path was blocked from his chosen career and his marriage, he might have felt sorry for himself or complained about the unfairness of life. Instead, Francis was led deeper into the spiritual life. This wasn’t the end of his life; it was his renaissance. But things didn’t go so smoothly for Francis; actually, his life was miserable. His community thought he was crazy. He was guided by a voice his friends and family did not understand. Yet, under pressure, Francis grew into a spiritual giant. The following thought is attributed to the great saint. “Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” The saying sounds too contemporary to be the words of a 13th century mystic, but it does describe how Francis lived his life.

While I was not happy that Francis suffered, I was happy to find that even saints, maybe especially saints, suffer. It was comforting to know that I was not the only one - even the most spiritually astute suffer.

Ego driven suffering can be cleared up in an instant, but an instant cure for genuine suffering rarely exists. The trying times anoint us and guide us. These wearisome times, at their best, evoke compassion and humility. When we are on top, it’s so easy to serve the egoic mind, but when tragedy strikes, it brings with it the ability to reach into our deepest spiritual strengths and reach out to our support systems. This is what makes our situations EZier. We might not be able to carry our 50 pound load, but when a friend joins with us or someone wipes our tears, it lightens our load. And when there is no one else to count on, something can rise from deep within to soothe us. We are never left alone.
We must navigate genuine suffering with care so as to not complicate suffering by suffering about our suffering. This is affectionately referred to as feeling sorry for ourselves or having a chip on our shoulder. We can’t use tough times as a bargaining chip to get others’ attention and resources. That’s like trying to go into the back door of life. When we rise up and face difficult situations, such as a loss, and don’t complicate the circumstances by involving the ego, we receive assistance from other realms and join a flow that eventually carries us past the pain.  It’s called integration. Our past pain becomes a part of us that informs us and sends us into higher levels of compassion, but the pain no longer dominates our lives.

The saints, the foremost champions, and the greatest losers go through times of genuine loss and suffering. While we can’t escape these times, we can be sure that we do not travel alone. The eight word miracle mantra, “Everything can be EZ (Ego driven suffering can improve right now!) or at least EZier,” speaks to the nature of suffering and recovery. We are the champions of our lives, and whether life is peachy or downright sucky, we exist in a matrix of love that guides and guards us, even when we are too weary to look. Love says, “You may not be able to see it from where you are standing, but I assure you that everything is okay. The Supreme Okayness is with you and you are safe.” Our lives have already been saved, so when tough times befall us, we can be assured that we will make it though. This is the promise of the spiritual life, that we will make it through and emerge and reemerge into the adventure called life, and that every pain, every burden, every mistake – all will be renewed, restored, and revitalized if we allow it to be. We must give up our ego driven suffering, face our genuine suffering, and surrender to the Source. Spirit brings us the present of life, but we must open it to receive its gift and trust that the good and the bad work together to provide exactly what we need to be free, joyful, and fulfilled. #EZosophy #Saintfrancis #spiritual

You may find the following links about St. Francis engaging:

• Story of St. Francis’ life
• St. Francis miracles
• St. Francis Animal quotes