Authenticity: The Path of Relief

Recently I spoke to a group about living in the body and getting out of your head. I call the lecture “Alive, Awake, Aware: the Power of Now.” Later I told my husband it was a good class. He asked if I told the group that I had bouts of anxiety. He had expected me to say no. He had that “What would they think if they knew?” and “I’m sure you’re keeping it from them” look hiding in his eyes. I replied, “Absolutely, I told them I have periods of anxiety and depression.” I am not a hide anything kind of person. I don’t present one face to the world and live another reality at home. That’s called compartmentalizing and it's a tough one to pull off. It’s also called “keeping up appearances” and it adds to our stress and anxiety load. I take medicine for my situation rather than to deny it exists. My medicine is meditation, breath-work, exercise, clean eating, and feeding my mind with refreshing words of wholeness. These practices dissipate, or at least reduce, the on and off anxiety I deal with.

Spiritually awakened people talk about how they lived with anxiety and when they awakened, they never felt that anxiety again. I wish that were the case with me, but not so. I seem to have a finicky nervous system, one that freaks when a hormone goes astray. When we wake up to a new and fresh states of living, we assume that we will never have bad times again. We think that our old wounds and problems will disappear forever and everything will be bright and shiny. In a way that is true, but even though a silver spoon does not lose its luster, it has to be washed after we eat, or polished when the surface oxidizes. We are like the spoon: we have to be washed, cleaned, and polished from time to time. There’s no need to be embarrassed about getting tarnished.

It’s best not to try to appear any way. We can just be the way we are, when we are that way. When I am not anxious, I rarely mention anxiety, but when my knees are knocking, the subject comes up. “I’m having a tough day. My nerves are raw.” Then the conversation can move on. My best friend just says, “I’m sorry you’re having a tough day.” She doesn’t try to fix me; she just stays there with me a moment, and then we move on to another topic. Caveat, it’s better to not self-disclose in a business meeting or bank transaction. We need to use common sense as to when to reveal our innermost thoughts and feelings, to whom to disclose them, and how to express them. We need to find a place to share and be willing to keep a grin off our face when we feel like hell. A fake smile constitutes an emotional secret. We can’t thrive when we keep emotional secrets. When we act like we feel one way, when we actually feel another, we forfeit our authenticity.

Fortunately, emotional honesty garners more supporters than critics. It feels good when people discover they are not alone; everyone has character flaws and goes through debilitating emotional states. It’s such a comforting experience to hear, “I know how you feel.” It is, however, important how we share this information. Too often people whine, act like victims, feel sorry for themselves, act angry and self-righteous, complain, or act like martyrs when they share their feelings. When we share emotional states in the preceding manner, we drain others. It’s hard to be around suffering that is surrounded in sticky, feel-sorry-for-me, save-me kind of energy. It is also distasteful to others when we wear our suffering like a badge of courage, assume no one can ever understand our pain, or believe that our suffering makes us unique and special.

We are human; not only do we make mistakes, we do emotional battle. We don’t have emotional wars all the time, but those times do come up. When we are not at our best, we have no business acting like Pollyanna. The next time you are tempted to plaster a fake smile across your face, reconsider. You do not have to act positive and bright when you don’t feel positive and bright. Don’t smile, just act normal, and when you do, you will find that life is EZier and EZier.

Happy Fully Alive Day

What a great day to be alive. Check it out.

Happy Doodle Day

Happy Doodle Day – JFK’s Doodled Too Wait to You See What He Doodled.

Every day is a holiday, at least in my book. I declare today “Doodle Day.” Doodling is fun. It’s a great past time. I doddle when I’m in conferences, while I talk on the phone and in bed before I go to sleep. I  doodle with pen and ink and I doddle in color with felt tip markers.  I have a movement in my life designed towards intentional play. Paper and colored markers rest beside my bed.  I doodle at night before I go to sleep or in the morning when I wake up.  I even doodle on my computer in Paint and on my I Touch. 

Doodling is fun, but the unintended consequences are terrific. When I doodle on a regular basis, my creativity heightens.  I’m still working on the bedside doodle you see here. It’s an 8 by 11 doodle.

Psychologists tell us that doodling taps into our subconscious minds and can give us insights to our inner most impulses. Doodles are like dreams – links to subconscious message mysteries. 

The doodles and notes of US president John F Kennedy are released periodically by the John F Kennedy Library and Museum in Boston. One hundred and thirty five pages were released in 2004. Subsequent historical events, long after JFK's assassination in 1963, give one JFK doodle a special significance: On one page a small circle was written with the numbers "9/11" contained within. Just to the lower left on the same page is the word "conspiracy" - and it is underlined. Conspiracy buffs, take note! http://www.theregister.co.uk/2006/10/13/the_odd_body_doodling/

Happy Doodle Day to you. Doodley Doo!

I'm working on this doodle currently.