Authenticity: The Path of Relief

Recently I spoke to a group about living in the body and getting out of your head. I call the lecture “Alive, Awake, Aware: the Power of Now.” Later I told my husband it was a good class. He asked if I told the group that I had bouts of anxiety. He had expected me to say no. He had that “What would they think if they knew?” and “I’m sure you’re keeping it from them” look hiding in his eyes. I replied, “Absolutely, I told them I have periods of anxiety and depression.” I am not a hide anything kind of person. I don’t present one face to the world and live another reality at home. That’s called compartmentalizing and it's a tough one to pull off. It’s also called “keeping up appearances” and it adds to our stress and anxiety load. I take medicine for my situation rather than to deny it exists. My medicine is meditation, breath-work, exercise, clean eating, and feeding my mind with refreshing words of wholeness. These practices dissipate, or at least reduce, the on and off anxiety I deal with.

Spiritually awakened people talk about how they lived with anxiety and when they awakened, they never felt that anxiety again. I wish that were the case with me, but not so. I seem to have a finicky nervous system, one that freaks when a hormone goes astray. When we wake up to a new and fresh states of living, we assume that we will never have bad times again. We think that our old wounds and problems will disappear forever and everything will be bright and shiny. In a way that is true, but even though a silver spoon does not lose its luster, it has to be washed after we eat, or polished when the surface oxidizes. We are like the spoon: we have to be washed, cleaned, and polished from time to time. There’s no need to be embarrassed about getting tarnished.

It’s best not to try to appear any way. We can just be the way we are, when we are that way. When I am not anxious, I rarely mention anxiety, but when my knees are knocking, the subject comes up. “I’m having a tough day. My nerves are raw.” Then the conversation can move on. My best friend just says, “I’m sorry you’re having a tough day.” She doesn’t try to fix me; she just stays there with me a moment, and then we move on to another topic. Caveat, it’s better to not self-disclose in a business meeting or bank transaction. We need to use common sense as to when to reveal our innermost thoughts and feelings, to whom to disclose them, and how to express them. We need to find a place to share and be willing to keep a grin off our face when we feel like hell. A fake smile constitutes an emotional secret. We can’t thrive when we keep emotional secrets. When we act like we feel one way, when we actually feel another, we forfeit our authenticity.

Fortunately, emotional honesty garners more supporters than critics. It feels good when people discover they are not alone; everyone has character flaws and goes through debilitating emotional states. It’s such a comforting experience to hear, “I know how you feel.” It is, however, important how we share this information. Too often people whine, act like victims, feel sorry for themselves, act angry and self-righteous, complain, or act like martyrs when they share their feelings. When we share emotional states in the preceding manner, we drain others. It’s hard to be around suffering that is surrounded in sticky, feel-sorry-for-me, save-me kind of energy. It is also distasteful to others when we wear our suffering like a badge of courage, assume no one can ever understand our pain, or believe that our suffering makes us unique and special.

We are human; not only do we make mistakes, we do emotional battle. We don’t have emotional wars all the time, but those times do come up. When we are not at our best, we have no business acting like Pollyanna. The next time you are tempted to plaster a fake smile across your face, reconsider. You do not have to act positive and bright when you don’t feel positive and bright. Don’t smile, just act normal, and when you do, you will find that life is EZier and EZier.

Prayer for Depression

God, again this oppressive blanket of hopelessness covers my heart. Sadness shields my vision. I view the world through the lens of desperation. I feel bound to the never-ending power of pain. I seem to be chained to endless depression. Armed with this all too familiar suffering, I come to you. Lift me up into a new experience. Replace my vision with your reality. Restore my faith in myself and in the perfection and order of life. Replace my mental stagnation with a sacred sense of dynamism. Shower me with a sense of nonjudgmental self-acceptance.

Let my mind give no thought to the world of illusion so that it can be returned to its resplendent place at the right hand of love.

Return my mind to sanity, my heart to love and my vision to inspiration. I give up my need to cover-up and deny this reality. I face this depression and surrender it into your light. I know that your will for me is grounded in perfect joy. In you and with you, I rise into a new reality with a powerful sense of freedom. My vision is sourced in a vast wisdom and doors that have been closed swing open to the floodgates of my soul. This moment offers a new sense of release that is returning me to your loving presence. No longer does the dream of separation tear my inner world into shreds. The restoration of my good is becoming the overriding perception of my inner world. I am released from my powerlessness into an ever-widening awareness of your power living in me. The rumblings of my spirit have become the music of my soul. My life is singing love songs. I am blessed with your presence, nurtured in your vision and nourished in your light. The pain that has bound me no longer rules my life. As I emerge into this new state of vibrant aliveness, I give thanks that your love has once more saved me from the bondage of my past beliefs. I walk freely now, empowered by your love and guided by your wisdom. Amen

©1989 Excerpted from Offbeat Prayers for the Modern Mystic

Anne Sermons Gillis MS, is a life coach, breath worker, and speaker. You can order her books, Offbeat Prayers of the Modern Mystic, EZosophy: The Art and Wisdom of Easier Living, and Standing in the Dark online at annegillis.com  order or call 281-419-1775